My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
