It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
