The maid of honor just puked.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
