I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
