dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
