If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
