i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
