As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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