Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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