As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
