He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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