Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your penis caused this!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
