all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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