Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
