There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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