I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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