It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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