I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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