You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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