dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
