gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just high enough for therapy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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