Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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