I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
