Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
