Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
