Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
