ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
