STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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