Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize