I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
