Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
