The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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