My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
