Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
