You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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