Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
