Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
