That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
