my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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