pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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