I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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