This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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