Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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