He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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