Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
