shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
