if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
