I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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