This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
