I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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