Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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