He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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