Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
