i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Who died my cat blue again?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
