This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
