[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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