I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
