She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
