i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
